To-don’t
This piece is from the series “A Loving Lens,” a collection of essays written to help us consider what else is possible…
I wake up down. Down in the dumps after not going down for the count however many sheep hopped the fence. Sleep is elusive, like a lover that comes and goes, whose mystery eventually grates. Like an uncooperative partner, un-understandably withholding what they could easily spare. After endless fits and starts of sleepwakesleepwakesleepwake truncated REM makes it feel like negative o’clock.
My eyes squint at the glint hovering through the window. Here comes the radiant sun I don’t want to see, glorious to behold when sleeplessness doesn’t corrode the gold. Instead, depressive hues skew the view of what’s possible.
My brain colludes with the squatter that burrows inside exhaustion - the one-track pony that insists hope is hapless, that nothing will be okay, that everything will feel like today. Afflicted by its conviction I know I need to counter the voice but am too depleted to act. Without serotonin to seize the day, my brain injury reactivates and thoughts go astray.
What to do when going from awful to awe full is too big a leap on an empty tank?
Hold on. If the best you can do is make it through, do that. Remind your mind that this too shall pass.. You’ve been here before. An after will come. For now, scrap the usual to-do’s and soothe your blues with to-don’ts.
To-don’ts:
Don’t rate your accomplishments - today is not the day to make blanket life assessments or compare creativities. Your inner critic may love to compete with other people’s journeys, but if your gauge is fried it’ll trade the wins for the losses and insist the skewed score is eternally accurate. Forgo fiction and feed yourself facts. When your brain fixates on somebody else’s artistic genius, remember that just like your unmanifest brilliance, their creation also marinated in the ethers before being born.
Don’t impose productivity. Do something doable that needs getting done. Take advantage of your brain’s labile state and give it a low totem job. Think something a 5 year-old could do with lax supervision. Clear a cobweb. Wash toothpaste out of the sink. Pick up the dog poop. Anything that will make your space feel more serene. If you complete the task you’ll feel better about not feeling worse.
Don’t fight prostration. Allow the slouch. If you can’t muster any luster, rest, listen to music, or veggggg.
Don’t inhale the news or social media. Everything will look more dire and fabulous than it actually is. Instead, fingertip search for an uplifting quote, click on an uplifting podcast, watch an uplifting tv show. Up something without getting up.
Don’t figure out finances or make administrative calls. Just don’t.
Don’t count calories or literally anything. Like your weight. Like the number of friends you have. LIke the number of friends you don’t have. When drained your brain won’t refrain from generating failure fodder. When balance is out of reach numbers will do a number on you.
Don’t adhere to strict food regimens. Eat something comforting, keeping a loose 75% of junk-to-nutrition ratio. Savoring is its own savior. With conscious consent, comfort food is actually comforting.
Don’t obsess on unfinished projects. Rather than spin out on stagnation, use your myopic focus to stare at something beauty-full. The sky. The fabric of a favorite dress. Flowers. Your neighbor’s washed car. Anything that sparkles.
Don’t have important talks. Let the conversation that needs to happen happen after you replenish your reserves.
Don’t make god prove anything today. With or without spiritual ultimatums, All That Is will always be. Give yourself grace and know that your endowment with Irreplaceable Immensity is irrevocable.
If need be, skip # 1-10 and remind your mind This too shall pass. Repeat mantralike.
Pause any exclamations…
Let your to-don’ts be today’s ta-dah.